Parakeets and Naked Ladies
There were many colorful characters in our young lives, but probably none more colorful than our Aunt Aud. Audra Pound was the second oldest Pound sibling. Physically, she was a mirror image of my grandma, but her personality was like no other member of the family. She was a feisty little thing and married to a kind, conservation Church of Christ preacher named Haskell Ramsey. Uncle Haskell had diabetes and required a lot of attention from Aunt Aud. She worried and fussed over him constantly. When they came to visit, she always carried a small paper box that set on the corner of the kitchen cabinet. It had all of Uncle Haskell’s medicines in it, including the insulin shots. I was horrified the first time I saw her give him a shot. The box was off limits. We were told never to touch it. However, I could not resist the temptation to look inside. It was a big disappointment and just a collection of medicine bottles, etc., except for one interesting box of Metamucil. Aunt Aud told me it was Uncle Haskell’s candy and once gave me a piece. Of course, I did not ask for seconds. It was years before I really knew what Metamucil really is.
Uncle Haskell was the quiet, serious type, and I remember him working quietly on his sermons. Aunt Aud was his polar opposite. In fact, she was sometimes just a bit naughty. She laughed loudly, and she loved to tell stories on herself and her misadventures, which were many. I remember her singing this song to us and just laughing and laughing.
“Darling, let me tie your garter, just one inch above the knee.
If my hand should wander farther, please don’t put the blame on me.”
She once grew very suspicious of her postman, who would slip around to the back of her house every day when he delivered the mail. Finally, her curiosity got the best of her, and she slipped out the back door just in time to catch him relieving himself in the bushes in her backyard. It seemed he made a pit stop there every day and did not expect the elderly lady to be watching. According to Aunt Aud, he continued to make pit stops there, and she pretended not to know. She said they became good friends, and he always got a fruitcake at Christmas.
Aunt Aud had a parakeet named Titus, after the Biblical character. Titus was quite a talker, and she taught him to say, “Titus is a little Church of Christ bird.” My Uncle Bob was a staunch Baptist, and he and Aud had a running argument about the doctrinal differences between the Church of Christ beliefs and the Baptist beliefs. On a visit to Aunt Aud’s house, Uncle Bob reprogrammed Titus to say, “Titus is a Baptist.” Much to Aunt Aud’s chagrin, Titus remained a Baptist the rest of his life. She tried and tried to get that bird to renounce his Baptist ways and return to being a little Church of Christ bird, but he remained a Baptist until the day he escaped through an open window and never returned.
I have very vivid memories of sitting at the big dining table in my grandmother’s kitchen listening to Aunt Aud tell my grandmother about the latest adventures of her children and grandchildren. She had not been able to have children of her own and had adopted a Son, Don, and a daughter, Dortha. Dortha was married to a rodeo champion named Leon, and they had a son Winnie who was also a rodeo performer. That seemed liked celebrity status to me. Dortha dressed like a cowgirl and had fancy shirts with fringe on the pockets. Don was a gospel singer, and that made Aunt Aud very proud. She had huge reservations about rodeo life, but she did think Winnie was the best.
I am sure that Aunt Aud was the most entertaining preacher’s wife that the Church of Christ in Stuart, Oklahoma had ever seen. She had a lot of nervous energy and once got in trouble with the church folks for bringing her knitting to church. She was also quite a seamstress and made most of her own clothes. While on vacation, she once found some material on sale that had what she thought were beautiful flowers. She liked it so well and the price was so cheap, that she bought both the red and blue patterns and made herself two dresses. She proudly wore them to church several times before someone finally pointed out that the flowers were actually upside down naked ladies. (not the kind that bloom in the spring) It seems she had picked up the fabric in a store near Las Vegas while they were traveling through Nevada, looked at it upside down and totally missed the fine print that read, “Have fun in Las Vegas.” Aunt Aud may never have had fun in Las Vegas, but she certainly did know how to have fun.